Bum Briefing #18

Records Broken! It’s been awhile since my last bum briefing, it’s definitely been a case of no news is good news. Well, the FMT (Fecal Microbial Transplant/Therapy) went well, the results worked, which is the main purpose of doing it. For the procedure, they started taking me into one of the same rooms that they do colonoscopies in and I got concerned, “This is pill form, right? Because I haven’t done any prep.” She assured me it was and they were just going into a room in order to supervise me taking the pills. We get in there and I ask what the record was for how fast anyone has taken these pills. She replied “Well I think someone did it in around 13 minutes. But there have been people who have taken the full 90 minutes so there’s no rush.” To which I assured her we would not be there for 90 minutes. Funny thing about cancer treatment, there are a LOT of pills you have to take… I functionally had been training for this moment for a year. I felt like Michael Phelps before the 200m freestyle, I was going to crush this. I’ve prepared for this. I’ve practiced! The pharmacist had to bring up the pills because of the special nature of them, she put them down, had to open the bottle then watched me start downing these 250mg pills, all 30 of them. I can say I did crush that record, and it will probably stand for a long time, 4 minutes flat. I was back to my car before the appointment was even supposed to start. 

After that, I’ve been focused on getting back to some semblance of normal. I went to get my covid booster to find out I was supposed to have three primary shots under the immune-compromised regiment. I don’t know how none of the hundreds of doctors and nurses I’ve interacted with mentioned that until I went to sign up. So, that means I’m already scheduled for a fifth shot, which will technically be my second booster. I haven’t had this many shots since my 20’s. With the increased immunity we’ve started venturing out into society again, which has been a strange feeling, but welcome at times. We went down to concerts on the square one night, had dinner at a restaurant while listening to the music, that was really nice. We’ve also gone on a few weekend excursions, last weekend was Bailey’s Run in New Glarus which we recommend if you’re looking for a place that satisfies all palettes. 

Recently, I learned a new medical term called “syncope,” which the rest of the world refers to this event as fainting. Well, this happens quite frequently when I get blood drawn or IV’s set. It’s something I’ve had my whole life, and some of my family members have mentioned having it too. Trypanophobia is the official term for the fear of needles.  Last Wednesday I realized mine is fully subconscious. The last time I got blood drawn I didn’t have any issue, I had a great nurse and I requested her again. Well, we were in mid conversation, things were fine but then the world got really small and I went out. My head went back and touched the wall, which woke me up. This act was described to the floor’s nursing supervisor by the blood draw nurse as “He hit his head and convulsed.” The registered nurse reacted as I can only describe as batshit crazy, losing her mind. She immediately said she was calling the ambulance and sending me to the ER for having a seizure. No one could reason with her, the draw nurse even tried to recant her description of the events to no avail. The draw nurse apologized profusely in private about using that description. The ambulance responders were annoyed and one of them even commented, “I argued with a nurse yesterday and it didn’t go well so I didn’t want to push it.” When I got to the ER, everyone else was equally as annoyed as I was, but I pushed to get my original CT scan that I needed for my oncology appointment that next Monday. I ended up spending 5 hours in the ER to get my scheduled abdominal CT scan done while officially being admitted to the ER for “Syncope.” That has to be a record for one of the dumbest reasons to go to the ER. After my appointment with my primary oncologist I got the all clear, coming up on a year of clear scans, which is great! I’m finally starting to get back to a semblance of normal.